"The cucumber and the tomato are both fruit; the avocado is a nut. To assist with the dietary requirements of vegetarians, on the first Tuesday of the month a chicken is officially a vegetable."

Absurdity, Humor, Food, Irony

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"The cucumber and the tomato are both fruit; the avocado is a nut. To assist with the dietary requirements of vegetarians, on the first Tuesday of the month a chicken is officially a vegetable."

Exlpore more Absurdity quotes

"Great, numbskull. Just bloody great. You've already managed to piss off the Queen. What's next on your agenda, setting fire to Disneyland?"

Thea Harrison, American Author

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"Whattaya mean you ain't no criminal lawyer? You a lawyer right? And you in here, that means you also a criminal."

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"If we loved Steve Aylett, really loved him in the way that he deserves, a selfless love that genuinely wanted nothing save his happiness and comfort, we'd lobotomise him."

Alan Moore, British Writer

Absurdity, Love, Sacrifice, Extreme, Irony

"This is wonderful, wonderful! Be the bird. You are the bird. Sacrifice yourself to abandoned family values...."

Laurie Halse Anderson, American Author

Absurdity, Humor, Satire, Performance

"I flow like a butter in the nailed pan I stole. I also kept the nail, to polish and use as a means of teleportation."

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Absurdity, Humor, Imagination, Chaos

"In order to attain the impossible, one must attempt the absurd."

Miguel de Cervantes, Spanish Novelist

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"We will then hear from the founder of the Mayo Clinic . . . Dr. Ted Clinic."

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Explore more quotes by Jasper Fforde

"PDR: Persons of Dubious Reality; refugees from the collective consciousness. Uninvited visitors who have fallen through the grating that divides the real, from the written. They arrive with their actions hardwired due to their repetitious existence and the older and more basic they are, the more rigidly they stick to them. Characters from cautionary tales are particularly mindless; they do what they do because it's what they've always done.And it's our job to stop them."

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"Now and again. Good residency is about having the power to ask someone to do something, but not necessarily exercising it."

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"Death, I had discovered long ago, was available in varying flavors, and none of them particularly palatable."

Mortality

"Prices of semicolons, plot devices, prologues and inciting incidents continued to fall yesterday, lopping twenty points off the TomJones Index."

Satire

"I'm beginning to think you're the sort of person who does a great deal with very little."He meant a liar."

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"The very possibility of death focuses the mind wonderfully."

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"There is no point in expending good money on the pursuit of an engine that can power aircraft without propellers. What is wrong with airships anyway? They have borne mankind aloft for over a hundred relatively accident-free years and I see no reason to impugn their popularity..."

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"The known had been so long dwarfed by the unknown that confusion was an easy bedfellow."

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"All of everything came into existence simply because it wanted to be. The big bang wasn't so much a big bang as a hasty dash toward an opportunity to trade nothingness for somethingness. The main contributory factor to the entire universe was a momentary effect in need of a cause."

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"I was in '78 recently," he announced. "I brought you this."He handed me a single by the Beatles. I didn't recognize the title."Didn't they split in '70?""Not always. How are things?"

Nostalgia