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"I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are."
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"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."

"People generally quarrel because they cannot argue."

"How long most people would look at the best book before they would give the price of a large turbot for it?"

"I find that most people know what a story is until they sit down to write one."

"You've got to clock the hours and pay your dues. Then eventually, people will come to you. You have to be patient and appreciative."

"Intellectuals are people who believe that ideas are of more importance than values. That is to say, their own ideas and other people's values."
Explore more quotes by Joan Rivers

"My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash."

"Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television."

"She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven."

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present."

"I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor."

"I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds."

"People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made."
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