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"God created man, but I could do better."
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"I have only ever made one prayer to God, a very short one: O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous. And God granted it."
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Personal Development
"God is more interested in your future and your relationships than you are."
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Personal Development
"Leave the rest to the gods."
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Personal Development
"God made man to go by motives, and he will not go without them, any more than a boat without steam or a balloon without gas."
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Personal Development
"We are always on the anvil; by trials God is shaping us for higher things."
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Personal Development
"I read the book of Job last night, I don't think God comes out well in it."
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Personal Development
"Next to God we are nothing. To God we are Everything."
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Personal Development
"I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it."
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Personal Development
"We steal if we touch tomorrow. It is God's."
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Personal Development
"God made man in his own image, and man returned the favour."
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Personal Development
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"There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt."
Humor
"When humor goes, there goes civilization."
Humor
"Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time."
Car
"Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial."
Family
"Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go."
Woman
"Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown."
Woman
"It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding."
Family
"I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order."
Family
"Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving."
Emotional
"Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you."
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