"If one door closes and another door opens, chances are your house is haunted."

Humor, Paranormal, Observation, Awareness

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"If one door closes and another door opens, chances are your house is haunted."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

Anthony Liccione, American Author

Humor, Trust, Mistake, Learning

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

Michael Bassey Johnson, Nigerian Philosopher

Humor, Comedy, Stupidity, Life, Love

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Confusion, Logic, Irony

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

C. JoyBell C., American Author

Humor, Self, Life, Joy

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

Richelle Mead, American Author

Humor, Dance, Sex, Judgment

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Women, Needs, Attention

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Weight, Warning, Technology

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."

Matshona Dhliwayo, Zimbabwean Philosopher

Humor, Marriage, Change, Responsibility, Life

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"

Chuck Palahniuk, American Novelist

Humor, Death, Danger, Irony

"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."

Charles Bukowski, American Author

Humor, Action, Life, Absurdity

Explore more quotes by Tanya Masse

"If you judge a person that you don't even know by the tattoos they have, the piercings they have, the way they dress or by how they look to you in general, YOU are the one with the issue, not them. Stop the hate. Live and let live."

Ethics

"You can make the best of it or you can let it get the best of you. Those are your two choices."

Mindset

"Focus on the POSITIVERecognize the BLESSINGSFind the HUMORHope for the BEST&Brace yourself for the worst."

Mindset

"I'd like to THANK the genius who saw a bunch of cherries and thought....HEY!! If I dry out a bunch of those berry seeds, call them "BEANS, smash them and add hot water, it will be AWESOME!!!!"

Science

"I'm quite certain that if I lost my sense of humor, it would most definitely need to be replaced by a padded cell."

Humor

"Too many of us spend too much time worrying about how long we are going to live rather than focusing on how we live. People cannot live forever, but memories can. Remember that with every breath and your life will change."

Life

"What messes us up a lot in this life is setting our expectations way too high and then being ashamed when we fail. What is worse is when we allow other people to make us feel ashamed for failing. What is worse than that is hiding and lying about our failure. It's ok to fail, especially when it's a significant life change and you gotta stand up for that right in this life."

Self

"OVERREACTING" sounds like "OVARYACTING" Coincidence? I think NOT!!"

Humor

"My bed is the magical place where I love to overthink like a PSYCHO."

Life

"I suffer from CLAUSTROPHOBIA, a fear of closed spaces.For example, I'm petrified that the WINE store will be closed before I have time to get there!!!"

Psychology