"If one door closes and another door opens, chances are your house is haunted."

Humor, Paranormal, Observation, Awareness

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"If one door closes and another door opens, chances are your house is haunted."

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"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Procrastination, Delay, Action

"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."

Richelle E. Goodrich, American Poet

Humor, Love, Happiness, Today, Truth

"Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

Humor, Truth, Life, Power, Wisdom

"You know, Aunt Tasha makes jokes about how youE1d actually be a better queen than the others, except sometimes . . . I donE1t think sheE1s joking."

Richelle Mead, American Author

Humor, Jokes, Comparison, Family

"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

Humor, Truth, Life, Happiness

"Zombies are far better than religious people, because they do not discriminate in killing."

M.F. Moonzajer, Afghan Author

Humor, Zombies, Religion, Violence, Equality

"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"

John Green, American Author

Humor, Social, Truth, Life

"Some people make spectacles of themselves with a couple of glasses."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Behavior, Society, Life

"I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep."

George Best, Irish Athlete

Humor, Drinking

"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."

Criss Jami, American Philosopher

Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Life, Power

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"PARENTHOOD is journey of being driven to the BRINK of INSANITY and BACK...Like a YO YO!!"

Family

"Common sense is a tool that isn't in everyone's shed."

Wisdom

"Sometimes the MOM who's always there for everyone else, needs someone to be there for HER."

Relationship

"Sometimes my age is inappropriate for my behavior."

Psychology

"MOM - noun - One who sacrifices her body, sleep, social life, spending money, eating hot meals, peeing alone, patience, memory, energy and sanity for LOVE!"

Family

"A domesticated man makes my lady parts beep!"

Humor

"We are not entitled to ALL of anything, not even ourselves... and rightfully so."

Ethics

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."

"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."

"Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers."

"You know, Aunt Tasha makes jokes about how youE1d actually be a better queen than the others, except sometimes . . . I donE1t think sheE1s joking."

"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."

"Zombies are far better than religious people, because they do not discriminate in killing."

"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"

"Some people make spectacles of themselves with a couple of glasses."

"I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep."

"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."

Explore more quotes by Tanya Masse

"PARENTHOOD is journey of being driven to the BRINK of INSANITY and BACK...Like a YO YO!!"

"Common sense is a tool that isn't in everyone's shed."

"Sometimes the MOM who's always there for everyone else, needs someone to be there for HER."

"Sometimes my age is inappropriate for my behavior."

"MOM - noun - One who sacrifices her body, sleep, social life, spending money, eating hot meals, peeing alone, patience, memory, energy and sanity for LOVE!"

"A domesticated man makes my lady parts beep!"

"We are not entitled to ALL of anything, not even ourselves... and rightfully so."

"Stay positive, stay strong, stay together and just keep going!"

"Stay HIGH on AWESOMENESS so reality cannot destroy you!"

"If you let it bother you, it will bother you."