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"Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first."
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"If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right."
Father

"Old is always fifteen years from now."
Now

"Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it."
Life

"That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked."
Day

"Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much."
Kids

"Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry."
End

"Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger."
Work

"A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station."
Father

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody."
Success

"No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal."
Parenting
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"Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does."
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Personal Development

""Think simple" as my old master used to say - meaning reduce the whole of its parts into the simplest terms, getting back to first principles."
Author Name
Personal Development

"I learned to speak first, and then to sign. I have never really known what it was like to hear, so I can't compare hearing aids to normal hearing."
Author Name
Personal Development

"With our first two records we backed ourselves into a hole musically."
Author Name
Personal Development

"I think my first album opened a lot of doors for me to push the freedom of speech to the limit."
Author Name
Personal Development

"One of the first groups we signed was the Fifth Dimension."
Author Name
Personal Development

"The first amp I had back in the '50s was a small Fender."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Sound is the first thing that we tune into."
Author Name
Personal Development

"First of all, the most important, that is to learn everything good that has survived from other times, and carefully to watch the bad - and throw it out."
Author Name
Personal Development

"My first jam was at Hotel Diplomat opening for Hollywood."
Author Name
Personal Development
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