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P. G. Wodehouse

"I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled."

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"I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled."

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"The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him that he is already degraded."

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"Complacency is a state of mind that exists only in retrospective: it has to be shattered before being ascertained."

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"Being "contented" ought to mean in English, as it does in French, being pleased. Being content with an attic ought not to mean being unable to move from it and resigned to living in it; it ought to mean appreciating all there is in such a position."

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"I just loved being divorced from my own wretchedness."

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"The vanity of being known to be trusted with a secret is generally one of the chief motives to disclose it."

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"A human being's first responsibility is to shake hands with himself."

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"Being born with a pair of beady eyes was the best thing that ever happened to me."

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"The pages are still blank, but there is a miraculous feeling of the words being there, written in invisible ink and clamoring to become visible."

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"Having had a reputation for being sexy is a great prop to lean on now."

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"I was probably being a little cocky, which I do when I feel that I don't know what I'm talking about."

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"Her pupils were at once her salvation and her despair. They gave her the means of supporting life, but they made life hardly worth supporting."
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"Flowers are happy things."
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"She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when.""
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"He was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say "when!""
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"Every author really wants to have letters printed in the papers. Unable to make the grade, he drops down a rung of the ladder and writes novels."
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"It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them."
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"I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don't know what I did before that. Just loafed I suppose."
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"The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows."
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"There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine."
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"Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them."
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