top of page
.png){kind=small}
"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
Standard
Customized
More
"Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Now I know why guys like to hug girls. You guys just want to cop a feel. I can't believe that I've fallen for it all these years!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"I've always felt so different from how I look. I meet so many pretty girls who are like, 'Here I am! Don't you want me because I look good?' That concept is so weird to me. I want to know, 'What else do you have going on?'"
Author Name
Personal Development
"You don't have to listen to those mean girls. They're just there to make you upset and make you feel bad about yourself. And you know, inside, they feel bad about themselves too. But they don't wanna admit it to anybody."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You'd be surprised. Girls like sensitive, namby-pamby guys."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If you didn't join for the girls, choose another profession."
Author Name
Personal Development
"We had a one bedroom, one bathroom, one closet apartment with four girls."
Author Name
Personal Development
"There are no rules in fights with girls. Just hurting."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Most girls if you hold hands with them, their goddamn hand dies on you."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It's different hearing girls I don't even know scream my name."
Author Name
Personal Development
More
"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."
Time
"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck."
Soul
"I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show."
Memory
"Do you know why hurricanes have names instead of numbers? To keep the killing personal. No one cares about a bunch of people killed by a number. '200 Dead as Number Three Slams Ashore' is not nearly as interesting a headline as 'Charlie kills 200.' Death is much more satisfying and entertaining if you personalize it.Me, I'm still waitin' for Hurricane Ed. Old Ed wouldn't hurt ya, would he? Sounds kinda friendly. 'Hell no, we ain't evacuatin'. Ed's comin'!"
Reflection
"I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions."
Thought
"I'm not a person who thinks they can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share."
Success
"As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up."
Health
"My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. I'm fuckin' serious!"
Childhood
"TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out to be another day, but we can't be sure. If it happens, I'll be the first to say so. But, you know what? By that time, it'll be today again."
Life
"When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands."
Life
bottom of page