"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."

Girls, Reason

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"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."

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"I've always felt so different from how I look. I meet so many pretty girls who are like, 'Here I am! Don't you want me because I look good?' That concept is so weird to me. I want to know, 'What else do you have going on?'"

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"Rappers make what's in, in. If we want to bring back something like Jordache, we just say it and the girls start wearing it. We have a lot of pull."

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"Playing good girls in the 30s was difficult, when the fad was to play bad girls. Actually I think playing bad girls is a bore; I have always had more luck with good girl roles because they require more from an actress."

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"If you didn't join for the girls, choose another profession."

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Explore more quotes by George Carlin

"I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better."

Humor

"I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker."

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"I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up."

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"Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple."

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"It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot."

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"You're just another american who is willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick being shoved up your asshole every day... The owners of this country know the truth... it's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it!"

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"No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to."

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"I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect."

Hell

"Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It's because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time."

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"There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords."

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