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"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."
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"You don't have to listen to those mean girls. They're just there to make you upset and make you feel bad about yourself. And you know, inside, they feel bad about themselves too. But they don't wanna admit it to anybody."
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Personal Development
"I would never describe Charlotte as a prude - maybe at the start, but that was in comparison to the other girls. She wasn't willing to do the stuff they were doing - and I mean, thank goodness!"
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Personal Development
"I think the reason they cast me as the good girls is because they couldn't find any in Hollywood."
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Personal Development
"I can't stand girls who laugh at everything I say like I'm the funniest guy in the world. I like girls who tell it like it is, no kissing up to me because I'm on TV."
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Personal Development
"There were a few 6th form girls that I got with when I was I the 6th form, they were really nice, so that was cool."
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Personal Development
"These two girls start wanting the same thing because in this neighborhood, they know all the guys so well. It's a small town and all the guys are just really boring to them."
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Personal Development
"Girls are always running through my mind. They don't dare walk."
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Personal Development
"I feel there should have been some recognition of the Spice Girls at this year's 25th anniversary. We flew the flag for Britain around the globe in the 1990s and we achieved a hell of a lot."
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Personal Development
"I think it's great when girls are artistic."
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Personal Development
"Too many girls follow the line of least resistance but a good line is hard to resist."
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"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."
Time
"I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories."
People
"I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it."
Listening
""I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?"
Language
"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."
Purpose
"When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat."
America
"There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi."
Humor
"That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it."
Society
"This is a lttle prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. Amen and Awomen."
Politics
"I love words. I thank you for hearing my words. I want to tell you something about words that I think is important. Words are my work, they're my play. They're my passion. Words are all we have really. We have thoughts, but thoughts are fluid. And, then we assign a word to a thought and we're stuck with that word for that thought. So be careful with words. The same words that hurt can heal."
Communication
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