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"Playing golf is like learning a foreign language."
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"I play bad golf for good charities like the LA Police."
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"Trouble is, I don't get to play a lot at the moment because I've just signed a contract where I've got to do 200 shows a year in pubs, so the golf's fallen away a bit."
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"Almost a quarter of our planet is a single mountain range and we didn't enter it until after Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin went to the moon. So we went to the moon, played golf up there, before we went to the largest feature on our own planet."
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"If it wasn't for golf, I'd probably still be a caddy."
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"At one point, I had 14 pairs of golf shoes."
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"A golf course is nothing but a pool room moved outdoors."
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"It was cool for a couple of weeks, but how much bad golf can you play?"
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"I was out on the golf course, a guy came riding out in a golf cart and said, Did you know that Elvis died? And I just said, Well, there you go. It was like I had kinda been expecting it."
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"Golf has become so manicured, so perfect. The greens, the fairways. I don't like golf carts. I like walking. Some clubs won't let you in unless you have a caddy and a cart."
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"A golf course is the epitome of all that is purely transitory in the universe; a space not to dwell in, but to get over as quickly as possible."
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"If you call on God to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using 'an outside agency' and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf."
God

"Playing golf is like learning a foreign language."
Golf
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