"Yeah, world peace would be all right, but what about a day off in a slab of ham the size of my head."

Satire, Irony, Desire, Humor, Reality

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"Yeah, world peace would be all right, but what about a day off in a slab of ham the size of my head."

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"Genuinity is mother of stupidity."

Vikrmn, Indian Author

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"You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps."

Ambrose Bierce, American Journalist

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"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."

John Steinbeck, American Author

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"The difficulty with humourists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't whichever seems likelier to win an effect."

John Updike, American Novelist

Satire, Humor, Irony, Belief, Manipulation

"God created war so that Americans would learn geography."

Mark Twain, American Author

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"Does your guilty past catch up so fast with your age? You've been robbing hex nuts, cap nuts, lock nuts and wing nuts. No wonder you have turned into a greedy nut."

Angelica Hopes, Swiss Author

Satire, Guilt, Crime, Irony

"Never make fun of people who are different...unless they have more money, power and influence. Then you must."

Ziad K. Abdelnour, Lebanese Author

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"We're roughage," Tyger said. "If we don't cause a little intestinal distress, no one knows we're there."

Neal Shusterman, American Author

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"He wondered reflectively what would happen if you asked a nun where the Gents was. Probably the Pope sent you a sharp note or something."

Neil Gaiman, British Author

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"We are all brothers under the skin - and I, for one, would be willing to skin humanity to prove it."

Ayn Rand, Russian Writer

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Explore more quotes by Lois Greiman

"It is far better to know the painful truth than to live with a kindly falsehood."

Honesty

"Maybe knowledge is power, but it ain't nearly as as satisfying as punching some smart ass in the chops."

Irony

"When men age they're called sophisticated. When women age they ain't called at all."

Aging

"Jealousy. It's a terrible thing. Unless it's someone else's."

Envy

"Just when you think you have life by the tail, it's likely to whip around and take a hunk outta your balls."

Chaos

"In my experience, "what the hell" is generally the most interesting decision."

Risk

"Opportunity may only knock once, but temptation'll knock down the damn door and drag you out by the hair."

Temptation

"Some people are street-smart, some people are book-smart, but most people are just dumber than dirt."

Intelligence

"You guys gotta get a license to drive a Geo, but any doofus with a few good swimmers can be a father."

Parenting

"I don't need no PMS. I can bitch under my own steam."

Humor