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Stephen Colbert

"In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars."

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"In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars."

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"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."

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"I never met a Jesuit before I applied for the order."

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"The essentially unchangeable established order of things slowly disappeared and was forgotten for a while completely."

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"A lot of films need planning in order to survive at all. It's part of the dog and pony show."

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A.E. Samaan

"I am co-counsel and as co-counsel I have the right to represent myself, speak for myself and conduct myself and my trial by myself in my best interests in order of due process."

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A.E. Samaan

"In order to play and write, it's unique - you either do one or the other."

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"In order to be a star performer you have to have someone to play against."

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"I bet you think an egg is something you casually order for breakfast when you can't think of anything else. Well, so did I once, but that was before the egg and I."

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"I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart."
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"I wrote things for the school's newspaper, and - like all teenagers - I dabbled in poetry."
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"In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto on the show is, 'Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.'"
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"There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell."
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"Truthiness is tearing apart our country, and I don't mean the argument over who came up with the word. I don't know whether it's a new thing, but it's certainly a current thing, in that it doesn't seem to matter what facts are. It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. But that's not the case anymore. Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything."
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"Shamelessness is a wonderful part of the character."
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"You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take ourselves seriously on any level; we're just comedians."
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"I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law."
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"I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way."
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Stephen Colbert
"In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars."
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