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"In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars."
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"I see stardom very clearly as a construct that's been created in order to sell things."
"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
"Let me tell you something that we Israelis have against Moses. He took us 40 years through the desert in order to bring us to the one spot in the Middle East that has no oil!"
"The essentially unchangeable established order of things slowly disappeared and was forgotten for a while completely."
"A lot of films need planning in order to survive at all. It's part of the dog and pony show."
"I am co-counsel and as co-counsel I have the right to represent myself, speak for myself and conduct myself and my trial by myself in my best interests in order of due process."
"Routine is not organization, any more than paralysis is order."
"Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order."
Explore more quotes by Stephen Colbert
"I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way."
"In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto on the show is, 'Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.'"
"I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law."
"Truthiness is tearing apart our country, and I don't mean the argument over who came up with the word. I don't know whether it's a new thing, but it's certainly a current thing, in that it doesn't seem to matter what facts are. It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. But that's not the case anymore. Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything."
"You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take ourselves seriously on any level; we're just comedians."
"In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars."
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