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Alice Roosevelt Longworth

"My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening."

Alice Roosevelt Longworth, American Author
Humor, Wedding, Father, Baby
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"My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening."

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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."

Debasish Mridha, American Author
Humor, Logic, Absurd, Heart, Amusement
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"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown
Humor, Alimony, Husband, Money, Law
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"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."

Richelle E. Goodrich, American Poet
Humor, Happiness, Truth, Wisdom
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"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown
Humor, Hair, Identity, Funny
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"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

Rick Riordan, American Novelist
Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Power
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"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."

Terry Pratchett, English Author
Humor, Absurdity, Disappearance, Bizarre
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"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."

Kenneth Grahame, Scottish Novelist
Humor, Speech
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"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."

Terry Pratchett, English Author
Humor, Madness, Science
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"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."

Neil Gaiman, British Author
Humor, Mistake, Fallibility, Regret
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"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher
Humor, Poverty, Hunger, Choice, Necessity

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"Dorothy is the only woman in history who has had her menopause in public and made it pay."
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"My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening."
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