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"Comedy is only as stupid as you are smart."
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"Laughter is good for you. Nine out of ten stand-up comedians recommend laughter in the face of intense stupidity."
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Personal Development
"As if I'd had time to drug it in the two milliseconds she'd let me out of her sight."
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Personal Development
"I never watch comedies they suck if something sucks it sucks there isn't doubt about it."
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Personal Development
"Have a chocolate-covered raisin, he said."They look like rat droppings, said the Chair.The Dean peered at them in the gloom."So that's it, he said. "The bag fell on the floor a minute ago, and I thought there seemed rather a lot."
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Personal Development
"Why do we laugh at such terrible things? Because comedy is often the sarcastic realization of inescapable tragedy."
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Personal Development
"She's got feet like boats, whiskers like an American, and her undies are filthy."
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Personal Development
"You never heard of a comedy team that didn't fight, did you?"
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Personal Development
"Because it's uncensored cable, I think we'll be able to do the kind of sketch comedy that really hasn't been seen before. We can actually finish jokes."
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Personal Development
"There's always been physical suffering in comedy."
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Personal Development
"I think comedy is more my instinct and more what I'm geared towards."
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"Don't hate the word, playa; hate the dictionary."
Hate
"What's love if not the thing you'll do anything and everything to get back once lost? What's hate if not the thing you'll do anything and everything to get rid of once found?"
Love
"Chuck Norris doesn't need to understand the work of James Joyce; James Joyce needs to understand the work of Chuck Norris."
Work
"He has your finger, but I have your heart."
Heart
"Dear disgruntled artists: the key to success isn't kicking down the door; it's building your own."
Success
"You might not be able to stomach it, but as long as you can mind it, your heart will be all right."
Heart
"Just because you're scarred for life doesn't mean you should be scared to live."
Life
"I watch what I eat every day. I mean, who actually eats with their eyes closed?"
Humor
"True friends: only a few have 'em, but only a few will admit that they don't."
Will
"Technology forced me to divorce a pixie and remarry a pixel."
Technology
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