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"Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery."
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"Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys."
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Personal Development
"When the Exxon Valdez spilled in 1989, I was angry. I even wrote on the back of my car, Boycott Exxon!"
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Personal Development
"There are certain times I don't want my picture taken. If my wife's stepping out of a car and it looks like it's going to come out an indecent picture, don't I have a right to object?"
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Personal Development
"It's a massive motor in a tiny, lightweight car."
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Personal Development
"I remember walking the dog one day, I saw a car full of teenage girls, and one of them rolled down the window and yelled, 'Marc Jacobs!' in a French accent."
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Personal Development
"Every time I copy something, I can draw it for the rest of my life. But research is so painful - I mean just opening up a magazine looking for a picture of a car or looking out the window looking for a car is just hard!"
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Personal Development
"The only way people are going to change their car buying habits, and the only way government will get behind alternatively fueled vehicles, is if gasoline prices continue to go up."
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Personal Development
"Should we have background checks, waiting periods? To drive a car you have to pass a test that shows you know how to drive your car safely, you should have to do the same thing with guns."
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Personal Development
"People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy."
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"But I also like to shower my parents with presents. I bought them a beautiful car and a house."
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Explore more quotes by Erma Bombeck
"One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is."
Life
"It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows."
Car
"Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely."
Dream
"Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery."
Car
"There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child."
Christian
"Never order food in excess of your body weight."
Food
"When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911."
Nothing
"The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again."
Reason
"Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother."
Wisdom
"I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex."
Life
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