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"If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?"
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"The moment the light of your being becomes bright, darkness will melt away to reveal the brightness of your consciousness."

"It is at midnight, not midday, that stars shine the brightest."

"Where there is darkness, let me be the light. Where there is suffering, let me be kind and compassionate."

"There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in."

"It is very possible that the majority of a nation can choose darkness! Such fool nations learn the beauty of light through the unbearable and inconceivable pains!"
Explore more quotes by Steven Wright

"The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing."

"There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators."

"In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number."

"Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?"

"Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen."

"I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."

"I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums."
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