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"I read that Monica Seles got stabbed. And although I have nothing against Monica Seles, I'm glad somebody in sports got stabbed. I like the idea of it; it's good entertainment. If we're lucky, it'll spread through sports. And show business, too! Wouldn't you like to see a guy jump up on stage and stab some famous singer? Especially a real shitty pop singer? Maybe they'll even start stabbing comedians. Fuck it, I'm ready! I never perform without my can of mace. I have a switchblade knife, too. I'll cut your eye out and go right on telling jokes."
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"The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."
Time
"I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories."
People
"I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it."
Listening
"Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established."
Example
""I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?"
Language
"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose."
Purpose
"By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth."
Truth
"When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat."
America
"There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past."
Future
"There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi."
Humor
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"To change reality, change your thoughts and perceptions."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If some people came into contact with anything real they would be shocked out of their minds."
Author Name
Personal Development
"No," said a voice, "the only thing wrong on a night like that is that there is a world and you must come back to it."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Nothing is ever free even a torn and worn underwear."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Scientifically speaking - you cannot. Accept it. You simply cannot make any nation completely corruption-free. It is only an absurd fairytale. It feels good to talk about it, but it cannot be made a reality."
Author Name
Personal Development
"They scattered with no melody, no harmony, no rhythm to hold them. If music was emotion and emotion came from thought, then this was the scream of chaos, of the irrational, of the helpless, of man's self-abdication."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The thing that most people didn't understand, if they weren't in his line if work, was that a rape victim and a victim of a fatal accident were both gone forever. The difference was that the rape victim still had to go through the motions of being alive."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The things other people have put into my head, at any rate, do not fit together nicely, are often useless and ugly, are out of proportion with one another, are out of proportion with life as it really is outside my head."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Children, our lives have been gongs striking; clamour and boasting; cries of despair; blows on the nape of the neck in gardens."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It now seemed to me that all my other guesses had been only self-pleasing dreams spun out of my wishes, but now I was awake."
Author Name
Personal Development
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