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"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."
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"Everyone loves the idea of "disruption" in business, but no one likes it when it happens to them."

"Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility."

"The investments you make into a brand, makes its name worth it."

"It's none of their business that you have to learn how to write. Let them think you were born that way."

"Make your brand memorable or risk fading out!"

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Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg

"I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific."

"Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!"

"I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it."

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."
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