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Darynda Jones

"Maybe I needed sensitivity training. I once signed up for an anger management class, but the instructor pissed me off."

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"Maybe I needed sensitivity training. I once signed up for an anger management class, but the instructor pissed me off."

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Amber Hurdle

"Rogerson," I asked him sweetly as we sat watching a video in the pool house, "where would I find the pelagic zone?""In the open sea," he said. "Now shut up and eat your Junior Mints."

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Amber Hurdle

"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."

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Amber Hurdle

"If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee."

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Amber Hurdle

"A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those worth committing."

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Amber Hurdle

"Christ and The Church: If he were to apply for a divorce on the grounds of cruelty, adultery and desertion, he would probably get one."

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Amber Hurdle

"England has forty-two religions and only two sauces."

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Amber Hurdle

"God is a comedian playing to an audience that is too afraid to laugh."

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Amber Hurdle

"And then Mum spoons the coffee a little as if she's having fantasies of flinging it in Britt-Marie's face. But in a controlled way."

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Amber Hurdle

"Stupidity is brief and guileless, while wit equivocates and hides. Wit is a scoundrel, while stupidity is honest and sincere."

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Amber Hurdle

"I say let the world go to hell, but I should always have my tea."

Explore more quotes by Darynda Jones

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Darynda Jones
"Does Uncle Bob have anything?""I heard he has an STD.""I mean on the women.""Oh, I have no idea if they have any STDs."
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Darynda Jones
"If you can master the opening, you will be leaps and bounds ahead of the competition."
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Darynda Jones
"I'm currently unsupervised It frisks me out too but the possibilities are endless."
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Darynda Jones
"The key to high concept is that fresh twist. Make it a big one. Wow your reader. Force her to gasp when she comes to that part in your story."
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Darynda Jones
"You do have a tendency to severe spinal cords.""Only for you."
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Darynda Jones
"I am apparently the complete opposite of a sociopath. (Seriously. I took a test.) WHEW!"
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Darynda Jones
"You totally need to watch the news.""Can't.""Why?""It's too depressing.""Right, because hanging with dead people isn't."
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Darynda Jones
"I know what kind of man it takes to get involved with something as barbarous as human trafficking."I get it, Swopes. He's not the kind of man you take home to meet yourstepmom. I rethought that. "Wait a minute. Maybe my stepmom would like to meet him. Do you think he ships to Istanbul?"
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Darynda Jones
"You rented the apartment with a dead guy in the corner? I shrugged. "I wanted the apartment, and I figured I could cover him up with a bookcase or something."
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Darynda Jones
"He was leaving my stepmother for a sailboat. Not that I blamed him. A sailboat would at least be useful."
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