"While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake."

Golf, Today

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"While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake."

Exlpore more Golf quotes

"I play bad golf for good charities like the LA Police."

Robert Stack, American Actor

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"Anybody who plays golf will tell you that you play against yourself."

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"You know, the Oscar I was awarded for The Untouchables is a wonderful thing, but I can honestly say that I'd rather have won the U.S. Open Golf Tournament."

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Mickey Gilley, American Musician

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"Golf courses sell real estate and that's why they're built."

Ed McMahon, American Entertainer

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"But we do have a golf course near by and I play fairly regularly."

Perry Como, American Musician

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"I know bugger all about golf."

Charlotte Church, Welsh Musician

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"One thing that golf teaches you is humility."

Robert Wagner, American Actor

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"I like to play golf. I like to shoot hoops."

Justin Timberlake, American Musician

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"My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash."

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"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."

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"My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!"

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"What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money."

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"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

Music

"Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering."

Suffering

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Exlpore more Golf quotes

"I play bad golf for good charities like the LA Police."

"At one point, I had 14 pairs of golf shoes."

"Anybody who plays golf will tell you that you play against yourself."

"You know, the Oscar I was awarded for The Untouchables is a wonderful thing, but I can honestly say that I'd rather have won the U.S. Open Golf Tournament."

"All I want to do is do my shows and play golf."

"Golf courses sell real estate and that's why they're built."

"But we do have a golf course near by and I play fairly regularly."

"I know bugger all about golf."

"One thing that golf teaches you is humility."

"I like to play golf. I like to shoot hoops."

Explore more quotes by Henny Youngman

"My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash."

"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

"Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to."

"When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say."

"I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him."

"My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!"

"What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money."

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

"Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering."