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Henny Youngman

"While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake."

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"While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake."

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Vera Miles

"But we do have a golf course near by and I play fairly regularly."

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Personal Development

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Vera Miles

"I would rather play Hamlet with no rehearsal than TV golf."

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Personal Development

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Vera Miles

"Playing golf is like learning a foreign language."

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Personal Development

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Vera Miles

"Trouble is, I don't get to play a lot at the moment because I've just signed a contract where I've got to do 200 shows a year in pubs, so the golf's fallen away a bit."

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Personal Development

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Vera Miles

"I can't hit a ball more than 200 yards. I have no butt. You need a butt if you're going to hit a golf ball."

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Personal Development

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Vera Miles

"It was cool for a couple of weeks, but how much bad golf can you play?"

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Personal Development

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Vera Miles

"Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air."

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Personal Development

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Vera Miles

"I know bugger all about golf."

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Personal Development

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Vera Miles

"I played golf all over Detroit."

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Personal Development

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Vera Miles

"I play bad golf for good charities like the LA Police."

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Henny Youngman
"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret."

Marriage

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Henny Youngman
"You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready."

Wit

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Henny Youngman
"A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months."

Man

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Henny Youngman
"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."

Wife

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Henny Youngman
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

Drink

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Henny Youngman
"My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash."

Car

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Henny Youngman
"I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock."

Money

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Henny Youngman
"If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope."

Mother

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Henny Youngman
"This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!"

Man

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Henny Youngman
"While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake."

Golf

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