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"While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake."
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"Now I do bowling, golf, and tennis. I want to be a good bowler."
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Personal Development
"Playing polo is like trying to play golf during an earthquake."
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Personal Development
"Trouble is, I don't get to play a lot at the moment because I've just signed a contract where I've got to do 200 shows a year in pubs, so the golf's fallen away a bit."
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Personal Development
"Golf seems to be an arduous way to go for a walk. I prefer to take the dog's out."
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Personal Development
"It was cool for a couple of weeks, but how much bad golf can you play?"
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Personal Development
"Playing golf is like learning a foreign language."
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Personal Development
"Golf courses sell real estate and that's why they're built."
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Personal Development
"Almost a quarter of our planet is a single mountain range and we didn't enter it until after Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin went to the moon. So we went to the moon, played golf up there, before we went to the largest feature on our own planet."
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Personal Development
"You know the way I play golf, it's a good I do these things for charities."
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Personal Development
"While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake."
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Personal Development
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"While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake."
Golf
"This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number."
Service
"Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering."
Suffering
"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."
Wife
"Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it."
Worth
"My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!"
Time
"My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself."
Time
"I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays."
Holiday
"You look like a talent scout for a cemetery."
Talent
"If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late."
Sleep
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