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"While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake."
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"I wore that same shirt yesterday playing golf. There goes the Nike account."

"It was cool for a couple of weeks, but how much bad golf can you play?"

"I can't hit a ball more than 200 yards. I have no butt. You need a butt if you're going to hit a golf ball."
Golf,

"Golf has become so manicured, so perfect. The greens, the fairways. I don't like golf carts. I like walking. Some clubs won't let you in unless you have a caddy and a cart."
Explore more quotes by Henny Youngman


"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."


"My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle."


"A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well."
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