"Chocolate may be cheaper than a psychiatrist, but the latter doesn't generally adhere to your ass for the rest of your natural life."

Humor, Comfort, Irony, Therapy

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"Chocolate may be cheaper than a psychiatrist, but the latter doesn't generally adhere to your ass for the rest of your natural life."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"I've accepted the fact I have mental illness but when my imaginary friends start calling me crazy that's where I draw the line."

Stanley Victor Paskavich, American Politician

Humor, Mental, Friend, Imagination

"Crap, are you thinking what I'm thinking?""I'm thinking we have about fifteen vampires and no blood," Claire said. "Is that it?""No, I was thinking we're out of chips. Of course that's what I was thinking."

Rachel Caine, Canadian Actress

Humor, Blood, Survival, Friendship

"Got a lot of sinful idears--but they seem kinda sensible."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Humor, Sin, Idea, Truth

"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Humor, Laughter, Wisdom, Mortality

"Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness."

Ludwig Wittgenstein, Austrian Philosopher

Humor, Cleverness

"I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing."

Jonathan Swift, Irish Writer

Humor, First, Fool, Kissing, Wonder

"If they gave him an enema, he could be buried in a matchbox."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Death, Sarcasm, Mortality

"Name the greatest of all inventors: Accident."

Mark Twain, American Author

Humor, Accident, Creativity, Surprise

"Pessimist - one who when he has the choice of two evils chooses both."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Pessimism, Evil, Choice, Irony

"Pardon my French if you're a religious man.''I am,' Bill said, grinning.'Then get outta my cab and go to fucking church,' the cabbie said, and they both burst out laughing."

Stephen King, American Author

Humor, Faith, Truth, Wisdom

Explore more quotes by Lois Greiman

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but tequila makes it so she doesn't give a shit if she's fond of you are not."

Irony, Absence, Alcohol, Humor

"Dating is like nightfall--there's got to be a mourning after."

Heartbreak, Dating, Loss, End, Emotion

"Maybe knowledge is power, but it ain't nearly as as satisfying as punching some smart ass in the chops."

Irony, Knowledge, Violence, Power

"It ate a party till someone ends up naked."

Chaos, Humor, Excess, Absurdity

"Today's problems are yesterday's mistakes coming back to bite you in the ass."

Consequences, Consequence, Mistake, Past, Responsibility

"Maybe curiosity did kill your cat. But it wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on the neighbor's rottweiler just the same."

Prudence, Curiosity, Awareness, Caution, Humor

"The trouble with insanity is it can flare up at the most inconvenient moments."

Insanity, Humor, Reality, Disruption

"I'd love to go out with you, but I'd hate to deprive some village of its idiot."

Insult, Humor, Contempt, Irony

"Celibacy sucks, no pun intended."

Abstinence, Frustration, Humor, Desire, Constraint

"Sometimes it's nice to have a man around the house. But a dog will clean the dishes."

Companionship, Humor, Independence, Animals