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"And thanks to Christina McMullen, who has taught me that common sense and intelligence need not have any correlation whatsoever."
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"Irony, we want our handwriting to look like typed fonts, and our computer fonts to look like handwritten text."
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Personal Development
"I have forgotten all about my school days. I have a vague impression that they were detestable."
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Personal Development
"I have a business appointment that I am anxious... to miss."
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Personal Development
"Certainly it constitutes bad news when the people who agree with you are buggier than batshit."
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Personal Development
"I don't understand this irony - valuable things like cars, gold, diamond are made up of hard materials but most valuable things like money, contracts and books are made up of soft paper."
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Personal Development
"A peaceful refuge in which to rediscover each other, we thought,, not realizing that, while golf and fishing are Scotland's most popular outdoor sports, gossip is the most popular indoor sport."
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Personal Development
"Sandar came to stand beside him, frowning down at the crumpled High Lord. "He does not look so mighty lying there," he said wonderingly. "He does not look so much greater than me.""
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Personal Development
"And what's the irony?...In the end... we call the enemy friends... the fake people again friends... should I continue here with the words?"
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Personal Development
"Boston is a moral and intellectual nursery always busy applying first principles to trifles."
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Personal Development
"What a moron I was to think you were sweet and innocent, when it turns out you were actually college-educated the whole time!"
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Personal Development
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"You're gonna sit down. You're gonna shut up. And by the grace of God Almighty, I ain't gonna kill you."
Authority
"I'd trade every last one of you for a moment's peace and a dog that didn't P on the carpet."
Peace
"Trust is important to any relationship and easier to come by if you get a picture of a guy's wife buck naked."
Trust
"Old-age sucks, but the alternative doesn't look that great, either."
Aging
"You don't need to be smarter, you just need dumber friends."
Humor
"Apparently it takes, like, forty-seven muscles to frown. Flippin' the bird' s a hell of a lot easier."
Humor
"Honest friends is kinda nice, but it's hard to beat a big-ass lie and a six-pack of brewskies."
Friendship
"It is far better to know the painful truth than to live with a kindly falsehood."
Honesty
"It's not as if I don't like men, I just have more respect for my washing machine."
Independence
"In this town, a successful marriage is one that lasts longer than ice."
Marriage
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