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"And thanks to Christina McMullen, who has taught me that common sense and intelligence need not have any correlation whatsoever."
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"Do you get the irony? Who is now talking about, who ain't serious? Oh, we gonna do that and that and that and that? Yeah, yeah You just wanna trick me one more time."
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Personal Development
"The laugh left a bitter taste in our mouths, but we laughed out all the same."
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Personal Development
"I have forgotten all about my school days. I have a vague impression that they were detestable."
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Personal Development
"It is only because of their stupidity that they are able to be so sure of themselves."
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Personal Development
"Brain research tells us that only twenty percent of human beings have a sense of irony, which means that eighty percent of the world takes everything at face value."
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Personal Development
"The policeman isn't there to create disorder; the policeman is there to preserve disorder."
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Personal Development
"If there were a master of stupidity in this world, I would really love to listen to his success story."
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Personal Development
"Sometimes life has a cruel sense of humor, giving you the thing you always wanted at the worst time possible."
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Personal Development
"Irony, we want to dance like robots and want robots to dance like us."
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Personal Development
"Some victories are merely defeat wearing the wrong clothing."
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"Some people are street-smart, some people are book-smart, but most people are just dumber than dirt."
Intelligence
"Sometimes stupid is crime enough."
Judgment
"I don't need no PMS. I can bitch under my own steam."
Humor
"Just when you think you have life by the tail, it's likely to whip around and take a hunk outta your balls."
Chaos
"Men are like beer. Some are bold and some are smooth. But every damn one of 'em has a big-ass head full of air."
Humor
"Maybe knowledge is power, but it's damned hard to think a burglar to death."
Knowledge
"Women have to be in the mood for sex. Men have to be breathing."
Sexuality
"I'd trade every last one of you for a moment's peace and a dog that didn't P on the carpet."
Peace
"In the movie business, the ones we call Lucky are usually those idiots who are just too damn stubborn to take no for an answer. Come to think of it, the movie business is kind of like life."
Persistence
"There isn't much a pan of warm Brownies and a glass of milk will fix. In less it's low grain prices. Or poverty. Or the national debt. I guess there are a few things, but nothing you have to worry about right this minute."
Comfort
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