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"People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway."
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"Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else."
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"If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress."
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"It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it."
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"Leno, Conan. They are both really funny. They really know how to land one."
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"I don't think the public is dying to see me necessarily be funny all the time."
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"Jim Carrey, a comic genius, has a harder time overcoming the public's desire for him to be funny simply because he's so good at it."
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"I don't think know if anything's going to translate anywhere. You're making a movie, you hope it's going to be funny, you can't think about how it's going to go over."
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"We have actors from other films, from 'Baywatch,' and so on, and these people are looking exactly the opposite of what they are. The transformations were so smooth, and so funny to watch, it was unbelievable."
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"I walked in thinking, 'I have ten movies under my belt and now they want me to go back to making commercials?' I said, if I do that, I want it to be funny."
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"It's funny how the music industry is enraged about the Internet and the way things are copied without being paid for. But you know why people steal the music? Because they can't afford the music."
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"I love acting, but it's all just a bonus."
Love

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."
Driving

"I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."
Holiday

"Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin."
Father

"I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down."
History

"My house is a bit like a teenager's bedroom. The kind of pictures you have hanging up on your wall say a lot about you. I've got ones of Evel Knievel, Elvis and Starsky and Hutch, signed by David Soul."
Soul

"I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy."
Day

"I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself."
Love

"With silly stuff, it's seventy-five percent confidence. I always tell people that it's because I'm nervous about getting that next laugh and I need to hear it. I always want to condense a joke."
People

"You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox."
Fact
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