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"The best part about poker is there's no down side."
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"So you went back to your friend's next donkament two weeks later, and this time you just laughed right along when they gave you that framed picture of the poker hands. And when they called you 'pigeon,' 'fish,' and 'muppet,' you just smiled and batted your eyes and said stupid things like 'Does a straight beat a crooked?' And while everyone else was throwing a party, you just sat there acting like a tourist with your kill stack until you were in the money. Those poor dills, they didn't know what hit 'em, did they?"

"If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and and can't tell who the sucker is, it's you."

"I can never have a poker face. Anybody looking at me can tell exactly what I'm thinking."
Explore more quotes by Samantha Bee


"There are some people who believe that these are not real stories with real people, but they actually are."


"I never believe them when they say that because you really have to sort of be aware of what's going on in the news in order to get the jokes on the show."


"If it wasn't for what goes on in the world of politics, we wouldn't really have much of a show."


"I don't think the show would be funny to you if you didn't already have a base of information."
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