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"It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old."
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"I'm too old to adapt to somebody else's ways."
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Personal Development
"If we all knew we were going to live to be 150 years old, we'd all approach our lives very differently."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It is better to be young in your failures than old in your successes."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You can always tell an old soldier by the inside of his holsters and cartridge boxes. The young ones carry pistols and cartridges; the old ones, grub."
Author Name
Personal Development
"That's me: an old kazoo with some sparklers."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I've been doing theatre since I was 5 years old."
Author Name
Personal Development
"In that, Blade 2 is very much like a rock concert... if it's too loud, you're too old."
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Personal Development
"Old foxes want no tutors."
Author Name
Personal Development
"A new philosophy generally means in practice the praise of some old vice."
Author Name
Personal Development
"To be honest, I look at my Pinball program and feel that it is old stuff. I could do much better."
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Personal Development
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"My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this."
Father
"Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist."
People
"Pride is the first step in people unraveling and companies unraveling and relationships unraveling."
People
"For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors."
Family
"If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck."
Home
"Find something in life that you love doing. If you make a lot of money, that's a bonus, and if you don't, you still won't hate going to work."
Life
"People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school."
People
"Nothing in life prepares you to be famous."
Life
"The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house."
Job
"I really don't require a whole lot in life."
Life
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