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"When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas."
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"I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him."
Gay
"Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist."
Missionaries
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
Work
"In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some."
School
"I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'"
Father
"I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'"
Wife
"I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper."
Men
"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."
First
"I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes."
Night
"I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks."
Love
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"Natalie's estate is handled by Global Icons, and they police the world so her picture isn't on a T-shirt or coffee cup unless we approve of it."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I see the same coffee table everywhere. It's mass marketing."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I like my coffee light."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Townes van Zandt is the best songwriter in the whole world and I'll stand on Bob Dylan's coffee table in my cowboy boots and say that."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The Monmouth Coffee Shop is the best place in London."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Coffee on an airplane always smells bad. Whenever it is served, suddenly the whole cabin stinks of it."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas."
Author Name
Personal Development
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