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"The natural habitat of the tongue is the left cheek."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."
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Explore more quotes by Red Smith

"The natural habitat of the tongue is the left cheek."
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"I like to get where the cabbage is cooking and catch the scents."
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