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"I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together."
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"A President's hardest task is not to do what is right, but to know what is right."
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Personal Development
"The president's budget proposals have neglected water infrastructure."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together."
Author Name
Personal Development
"As far as my relationship with President Putin is concerned, it's fine."
Author Name
Personal Development
"He has to do the heavy lifting and the windows and the wash, and also protect the president."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'm glad Reagan is president. Of course, I'm a professional comedian."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If I hadn't been President of the United States, I probably would have ended up a piano player in a bawdy house."
Author Name
Personal Development
"A woman will be elected President before Wade Boggs is called out on strikes. I guarantee that."
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Personal Development
"When asked for your views, by the press or others, remember that what they really want to know is the President's views."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Clinton was a pretty good president for a Republican."
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"I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together."
President
"Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist."
People
"The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house."
Job
"Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?"
Baby
"You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand."
Goal
"My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family."
Family
"It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old."
Old
"I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did."
Father
"What I hated was doing what somebody in LA thought Jeff Foxworthy ought to do."
Thought
"If your working television sits on top of your non-working television, you might be a redneck."
Television
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