"I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods."

Day, End, Golf, Play

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"I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods."

Explore more quotes by Jeff Foxworthy

"People would say, Can we develop a sitcom around you? and I would say, Not interested. I'm very happy doing standup and writing and taking my kids to school."

People, Kids, School, Writing

"I had to perform at the White House for the president, That's always kind of a weird set to try to put together."

President,

"The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house."

Job, Wrong

"I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points."

People,

"If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'"

Family, Feeling, Royalty, State

"I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family."

Family, People, Country, Rest

"If men have a smell it's usually an accident."

Men, Accident

"Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door."

Baby, Being

"Nothing in life prepares you to be famous."

Life, Famous, Nothing

"You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand."

Goal, May

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"Prayer: the key of the day and the lock of the night."

Thomas Fuller, English Clergyman

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"Let us develop the resources of our land, call forth its powers, build up its institutions, promote all its great interests, and see whether we also, in our day and generation, may not perform something worthy to be remembered."

W. Somerset Maugham, British Playwright

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"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man."

William Shakespeare, English Dramatist

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"So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way."

Will Rogers, American Actor

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"There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators."

Will Rogers, American Actor

Day, Open, Senators

"Better one's House be too little one day than too big all the Year after."

Thomas Fuller, English Clergyman

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"A cold atheistical materialism is the tendency of the so-called material philosophy of the present day."

Adam Sedgwick, British Scientist

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"Every day, I have a most embarrassing moment."

Steven Hill, American Actor

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"No charges have been filed by the L.A. district attorney's office, and for that I am appreciative. I have said it before, but we all make mistakes, and the day will come soon enough where you no longer read of mine in the tabloids."

Scott Stapp, American Musician

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"Miserable is a good thing, though. If you start the day miserable, nobody else can screw up your day."

Jake Roberts, American Celebrity

Day,