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"First there was racism. Then liberals created institutional racism and coded racism. You can only hear it with a dog whistle."
First
"At the Olympics in China, every color was represented... and that was just the drinking water."
Drink
"Jews were asked when life begins. For them it's when they finally graduate medical school."
Life
"Academics act like they are important, but when something is academic it is meaningless. People say, 'It's academic, now let's get work done.'"
Work
"I am tired of angry feminists. I like my women happy, gregarious... and bathed."
Woman
"Mitt Romney is a true Mormon. John Edwards and Bill Clinton are not real Mormons. It was not 'Brigham Young' they were chanting. It was 'Bring 'em young.'"
Mormon
"Michelle Obama was asked when life begins. According to her it's when she and Barack take over the White House."
Life
"What Democrats call 'nuanced,' most people refer to as 'stupidity.'"
People
"We are not imperialists. We don't even try to take over Canada. It would be easy, although it might take a rear guard action to guard Anne Murray."
Action
"Jews don't care about ancient rivalries. We worry about humidity in Miami."
Care
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"I used to think drinking was the only way to be happy. Now I know there is no way to be happy."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I haven't been drinking for years now. Something's got to give. I don't mind that I'm a guy that's stopped drinking, though this interview is making me mighty thirsty."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I admit to drinking it, but I did not swallow."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I dare not drink before a gig because I'll get tired and blow it. So I have to sit drinking tea in a caravan."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The piano has been drinking, not me."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When animators weren't sleeping, they were drinking."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I quit drinking, so I can think clear. When you have chop trouble, drinking doesn't help the healing process."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."
Author Name
Personal Development
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