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"I'd sooner have died than admit that the most valuable thing I owned was a fairly extensive collection of German industrial music dance mix EP records stored for even further embarrassment under a box of crumbling Christmas tree ornaments in a Portland, Oregon basement. So I told him I owned nothing of any value."
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"Mother said, haven't you seen older boys of your age, that you should take your rotten hands and play with my son's penis? I held my mouth, and i really stiffled a giggle. Now i understood the bloody vexation and the reckless act performed by our housegirl. She was fondling my infant part, and i knew she was horny and lost in the act."
"If you want to be the best you can be, don't judge anyone. Not even yourself."
"If you lack the humility to go back and tie up the loose ends in your past, then be prepared to forever be haunted by her ghosts, all of whom will come into your present and your future- staining everything and everyone with their leftover emotional and mental garbage. Humility is the master key that can get you out of all your cages; why do you choose your ego and stay in your prisons?"
"That wasn't love, that was stupidity."
"In my previous life I was a civil attorney. At one point I truly believed that was what I wanted to be- but that was before I'd been handed a fistful of crushed violets from a toddler. Before I understood that the smile of a child is a tattoo: indelible art."
"Every emotion in the human spectrum is actually a teacher that is here to show us the degree in which we are either resisting life or flowing with life."
"I realized that day that blessings come in a variety of shapes, colors, and sizes."
"Note to self-give serious thought to becoming an alcoholic."
Explore more quotes by Doug Coupland
"Make your goals big and broad enough so that they never become answered prayers and boomerang to curse you."
"Birds are a miracle because they prove to us there is a finer, simpler state of being which we may strive to attain."
"You pretend to be more eccentric than you actually are because you fear you are an interchangeable cog."
"Every human being you see in the course of a day has a problem that's sucking up at least 70 percent of his or her radar."
"Their talk was endless, compulsive, and indulgent, sometimes sounding like the remains of the English language after having been hashed over by nuclear war survivors for a few hundred years."
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