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"In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to ban people from wearing pants that fit too low. However, there is lots of opposition from the plumber' union."
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"John Travolta said he sometimes lets his friends take control of his airplane even though they don't know what they're doing. Then Travolta said he often does the same thing with his career."
Control
"President Clinton signed a $10 million deal to write a book by 2003. Isn't that amazing? Yes, and get this, not only that, President Bush signed a $10 million deal to read a book by 2003."
President
"Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly."
Party
"Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn't eligible for another fifteen years."
Controversy
"Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'"
First
"Tom Cruise's attorney said he is going to sue anyone who claims he is gay. In a related story, Ricky Martin's attorney has been hospitalized for exhaustion."
Exhaustion
"If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice."
Life
"This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him."
Popular
"In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to ban people from wearing pants that fit too low. However, there is lots of opposition from the plumber' union."
People
"In a prime-time address, President Bush said he backed limited federal funding for stem cell research. That's right, the President said, this is a quote, the research could help cure brain diseases like Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, and whatever it is I have."
Cure
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"The people who are absent are the ideal; those who are present seem to be quite commonplace."
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Personal Development
"Often people display a curious respect for a man drunk, rather like the respect of simple races for the insane... There is something awe-inspiring in one who has lost all inhibitions."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The last resort of kings, the cannonball. The last resort of the people, the paving stone."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It is not true that people are naturally equal for no two people can be together for even a half an hour without one acquiring an evident superiority over the other."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Other people's beliefs may be myths, but not mine."
Author Name
Personal Development
"There are bad people who would be less dangerous if they were quite devoid of goodness."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Whatever good things people say of us, they tell us nothing new."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal."
Author Name
Personal Development
"We don't get to know people when they come to us; we must go to them to find out what they are like."
Author Name
Personal Development
"There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating - people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing."
Author Name
Personal Development
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