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"In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to ban people from wearing pants that fit too low. However, there is lots of opposition from the plumber' union."
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"I read some, and then visited with people involved in this curious, exciting and somewhat misunderstood sub-culture. I met with a fang maker, who offered to fit me for an exquisite pair."

"People have managed to avert their eyes and hope for the best."

"A lot of compelling stories in the world aren't being told, and the fact that people don't know about them compounds the suffering."

"There is always something infinitely mean about other people's tragedies."

"I am attracted to people who make this effort in knowing what suits them - they are individual and stylish."

"I am happy for people to talk about my pictures, but I wish devoutly that I was not expected to talk about them myself."
Explore more quotes by Conan O'Brien

"In New York, we had primary elections for mayor. To improve their chances, all five candidates changed their name to Rudy Giuliani."

"Tom Cruise's attorney said he is going to sue anyone who claims he is gay. In a related story, Ricky Martin's attorney has been hospitalized for exhaustion."

"This Halloween, the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him."

"Pamela Anderson Lee released a statement confirming that she has had her breast implants removed. Doctors say that Pamela is doing fine and that her old implants are now dating Charlie Sheen."

"Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly."

"Republicans have called for a National African-American Museum. The plan is being held up by finding a location that isn't in their neighborhood."

"Michael Jackson was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. It caused quite a controversy, because his nose isn't eligible for another fifteen years."

"Officials at the White House are saying that President Bush hasn't changed his schedule much since the war started. The main difference, they say, is that he's started watching the news and taping Sponge Bob."

"The U.S. army confirmed that it gave a lucrative fire fighting contract in Iraq to the firm once run by the Vice President Dick Cheney without any competitive bidding. When asked if this could be conceived as Cheney's friends profiting from the war, the spokesman said 'Yes.'"

"In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for stealing several blow-up dolls. Reportedly, police didn't have any trouble catching the man because he was completely out of breath."
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