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"Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down."
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"I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I hate fishing, and I can't imagine why anyone would want to hike when you can get in the car and drive."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I sing in the car if I'm in LA, because you're like soundproofed."
Author Name
Personal Development
"One morning, about four o'clock, I was driving my car just about as fast as I could. I thought, Why am I out this time of night? I was miserable, and it came to me: I'm falling in love with somebody I have no right to fall in love with."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I will never have a drink and get behind the wheel of a car. It's not illegal to drink and drive, but there becomes a certain point where it does become a crime."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If you are a writer you locate yourself behind a wall of silence and no matter what you are doing, driving a car or walking or doing housework you can still be writing, because you have that space."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective."
Society
"Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it."
Life
"It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent."
Travel
"Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting."
Humor
"And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West."
Society
"American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it."
Humor
"As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula."
Humor
"I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories."
Society
"The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes."
Religion
"If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland."
Humor
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