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"They wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters."
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"Genuinity is mother of stupidity."
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Personal Development
"This nation is like all the others that have been spewed upon the earth - ready to shout for any cause that will tickle its vanity or fill its pocket. What a hell of a heaven it will be when they get all these hypocrites assembled there!"
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Personal Development
"Now-a-days, men wear a fool's cap, and call it a liberty cap."
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Personal Development
"You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps."
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Personal Development
"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Im's offspring stare at stars and make clocks that calculate useless happenings like the angle of a hawk's claws as it strikes its prey. They demonstrate their contraptions and everyone marvels. My children get drunk, confuse a herd of cows with an enemy regiment, and slaughter the lot, screaming like lunatics until the entire army panics."
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Personal Development
"Did I see them waving?' said Mrs Liberty'And particling, I shouldn't wonder' said the Alderman."
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Personal Development
"The difficulty with humourists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't whichever seems likelier to win an effect."
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Personal Development
"God created war so that Americans would learn geography."
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Personal Development
"Bad people? What kind of bad people? Members of the Church of Satan? Insurance salesmen? People who don't speak English?"
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"We have a saying up here. 'Life is wasted on the living."
Philosophy
"If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat."
Science
"If everyone knew exactly what I was going to say, then there would be no point in my saying it, would there?"
Communication
"Since every piece of matter in the Universe is in some way affected by every other piece of matter in the Universe, it is in theory possible to extrapolate the whole of creation - every sun, every planet, their orbits, their composition and their economic and social history from, say, one small piece of fairy cake."
Science
"The best conversation I had was over forty million years ago,' continued Marvin. Again the pause. 'Oh d-'And that was with a coffee machine.' He waited."
Humor
"He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife."
Life
"If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands."
Family
"The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at and repair."
Difference
"Time is bunk."
Time
"Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?"
Imagination
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