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"First of all, I'm not the kind of guy that likes to rehash the show and so forth and so on."
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"We were engaged three-and-a-half weeks after the first date."

"If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe."

"It is strange how one feels drawn forward without knowing at first where one is going."

"The first band I was in, I think was called The Strangers. I got the sack because I was too small!"

"If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone."

"When I first heard that song, it was a ballad but it had a lot more. It felt like a gospel song when I first heard it and it just moved me."

""Think simple" as my old master used to say - meaning reduce the whole of its parts into the simplest terms, getting back to first principles."

"First you find a little thread, a little thread leads you to a string, and the string leads you to a rope. And from the rope you hang by the neck."
Explore more quotes by Garry Shandling


"Which is, I'm an optimist that two people can be together to work out their conflicts. And that commitment, I think, might be what love is, because they both grow from their relationship."


"You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it's curious that they don't do it. They would each have to be asked the reason why they don't."


"I guess he wanted to see a little more sexual activity because in real life, in bed I think less is more and let the woman come to me. Frankly, I don't even need a woman there."


"I play basketball on Sundays and I'm a very spiritual guy; I read a lot of Eastern philosophy and I meditate."


"But I really like hosting, I think it's a strength of mine. It allows me to improvise, and I love the spontaneity of that, and I think I'm funny behind the desk when interviewing someone."


"I don't know why men are so fascinated with television and I think it has something to do with - if I may judge from my own father, who used to sit and stare at the TV while my mother was speaking to him - I think that's a man's way of tuning out."
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