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"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."
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"I call tennis the McDonald's of sport - you go in, they make a quick buck out of you, and you're out."
"One of the greatest joys of tennis is having a nice volley and not really keeping score, not really looking at the lines, but just catching up with each other."
"Anybody who can dial a telephone can master tennis scoring in about 15 minutes."
"Balls should be good for at least six sets, and for more for the average player. But if the rallies are long, they do not last as long as this. There is a fuzz on the surface that wears off on the hard court."
"I've been playing tennis, and just whatever sport is in front of me I will do."
"I had not picked up a tennis racket in 15 years, so I tried."
Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg
"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."
"Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'"
"I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it."
"Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down."
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