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Erma Bombeck

"A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest."

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"A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest."

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Amber Hurdle

"When a sinister person means to be your enemy, they always start by trying to become your friend."

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Amber Hurdle

"The final test for a novel will be our affection for it, as it is the test of our friends, and of anything else which we cannot define."

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Amber Hurdle

"Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . ."

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Amber Hurdle

"The only service a friend can really render is to keep up your courage by holding up to you a mirror in which you can see a noble image of yourself."

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Amber Hurdle

"To me, re-reading my favorite books is like spending time with my best friends.I'd never be satisfied to limit myself to just one experience each with my favorite people."

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Amber Hurdle

"This was what I liked most about my friends: just sitting around and telling stories. Window stories and mirror stories. I only listened - the stories on my mind weren't that funny."

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Amber Hurdle

"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."

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Amber Hurdle

"That's who you really like. The people you can think out loud in front of."

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Amber Hurdle

"While conscience is our friend, all is at peace; however once it is offended, farewell to a tranquil mind."

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Amber Hurdle

"Friends we shall never be, you know that yourself. Whether we shall be the happiest or the wretchedest of people--that's in your hands."

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Erma Bombeck
"Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other."
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Erma Bombeck
"There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it."
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Erma Bombeck
"For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward."
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Erma Bombeck
"My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?"
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Erma Bombeck
"Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go."
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Erma Bombeck
"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth."
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Erma Bombeck
"Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time."
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Erma Bombeck
"I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order."
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Erma Bombeck
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."
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Erma Bombeck
"Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated."
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