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"Starving whilst schooled is like a man's finding out that his wife is on her periods - a few seconds after he took Viagra."
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"Irony, we want our handwriting to look like typed fonts, and our computer fonts to look like handwritten text."
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Personal Development
"I have forgotten all about my school days. I have a vague impression that they were detestable."
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Personal Development
"I have a business appointment that I am anxious... to miss."
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Personal Development
"Certainly it constitutes bad news when the people who agree with you are buggier than batshit."
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Personal Development
"Irony, we want to dance like robots and want robots to dance like us."
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Personal Development
"I don't understand this irony - valuable things like cars, gold, diamond are made up of hard materials but most valuable things like money, contracts and books are made up of soft paper."
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Personal Development
"If every woman had a direwolf, men would be much sweeter."
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Personal Development
"Happiness is a big joke, let us laugh at it loud."
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Personal Development
"A peaceful refuge in which to rediscover each other, we thought,, not realizing that, while golf and fishing are Scotland's most popular outdoor sports, gossip is the most popular indoor sport."
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Personal Development
"If there were a master of stupidity in this world, I would really love to listen to his success story."
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"In a materialistic society, the dead body of a rich man's dog is regarded as a corpse; that of a poor man, a carcass."
Society
"The fact that you have just buried your parent or parents and/or sibling or siblings does not make you less likely to die today."
Mortality
"Worrying about what happened on Monday, or, what might happen on Wednesday, is at the expense of one's Tuesday."
Time
"A satirist that criticizes religion is seen as a satanist."
Religion
"Employers are at their happiest on Mondays. Employees are at their happiest on Fridays."
Work
"Back then, work revolved around life. Today, life revolves around work."
Work
"In some cases, it is the woman's stomach-not her heart-that has left her man for another."
Relationship
"Most priests wish they were as righteous as they seem to most members of their congregations."
Religion
"Tomorrow is like 'there.' Once you get 'there,' it is called 'here.' So, technically, life is a set of Todays."
Philosophy
"A writer's primary goal is to make sense. The bookstore's is to make cents."
Writing
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