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"Old-age sucks, but the alternative doesn't look that great, either."
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"Age is always advancing and I'm fairly sure it's up to no good."

"Granny Weatherwax had a primal snore. It had never been tamed. No one had ever had to sleep next to it, to curb its wilder excesses by means of a kick, a prod in the small of the back, or a pillow used as a bludgeon. It had had years in a lonely bedroom to perfect the knark, the graaah, and the gnoc, gnoc, gnoc unimpeded by the nudges, jabs, and occasional attempts at murder that usually moderate the snore impulse over time."

"Lines and greyness are nature's way of telling you not to fuck with someone - the equivalent of yellow and black lines on a wasp, or the markings on the back of a black widow spider."

"When you're twenty-one, life is a roadmap. It's only when you get to twenty-five or so that you begin to suspect you've been looking at the map upside down, and not until you're forty are you entirely sure. By the time you're sixty, take it from me, you're fucking lost."

"When you start believing that you are too old to enjoy something, you lose so much joy in your life."

"One of the shocks of a 50th birthday is realizing the fundamental fact that your youth is irrevocably over."
Explore more quotes by Lois Greiman

"Maybe money can't buy happiness, but it can get you a nice little villa in Tuscany, and that's close enough for me."

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but tequila makes it so she doesn't give a shit if she's fond of you are not."

"There are 2 kinds of people in the world. Those who enjoy a nice salami and those who have no souls."

"If they really wanted us to resist temptation, they shouldn't a made it so damn tempting."
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