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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development

"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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Personal Development

"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
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Personal Development

"Laughter is carbonated holiness."
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Personal Development

"Well, I said, "you obviously have some power. You chased off those hooligans with rotten fruit. Perhaps you have banana-kinesis? Or you can control garbage? I once knew a Roman goddess, Cloacina, who presided over the city's sewer system. Perhaps you're related? Meg pouted. I got the impression I might have said something wrong, though I couldn't imagine what."
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Personal Development
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"Good People bring out the good in other people."
Positivity


"Tis Fate that flings the dice And as she flings Of kings makes peasants And of peasants kings."
Philosophical


"You only get one shot in this life. So let me do all the good I can for my fellow man. For I will not pass this way again."
Inspirational


"To whom much is given, much is expected."
Morality


"The smartest thing I ever said was "Help Me!""
Humor


"Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones."
Philosophy


"My son, do not forget my teaching,But let your heart keep my commandments;For length of days and years of lifeAnd peace they will add to you.Do not let kindness and truth leave you;Bind them around your neck,Write them on the tablet of your heart.So you will find favor and good reputeIn the sight of God and man.Trust in the Lord with all your heartAnd do not lean on your own understanding.In all your ways acknowledge Him,And He will make your paths straight."
Spiritual


"There's nothing wrong with having nothing to say--unless you insist on saying it."
Communication


"If a man speaks many holy words but he speaks and does not, this thoughtless man cannot enjoy the life of holiness: he is like a cowherd who counts the cows of his master.Whereas if a man speaks but a few holy words and yet he lives the life of those words, free from passion and hate and illusion-with right vision and a mind free, craving for nothing both now and hereafter-the life of this man is a life of holiness."
Spiritual


"God and a soldier all .people adore In time of war but not before And when war is over and all things are righted God is neglected and an old soldier slighted."
History
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