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"One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough."
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"As an actress we don't beat one another. It's whoever's right for the part."

"You see, I was born in the slums, that was before the ghetto. The ghetto was kind of refined; the slums was right there on the ground."

"There's not much in the way of written-down arrangements - just things that Gerry and I have worked out, from playing spontaneously together and hanging on to whatever seems to fall in right."

"I never went to concerts when I was a kid, so I never knew if what I was doing onstage was right."

"I'd be happy to do Star Trek again, if the writing was right."

"The right moment wears a full head of hair: when it has been missed, you can't get it back; it's bald in the back of the head and never turns around."
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"Man is flying too fast for a world that is round. Soon he will catch up with himself in a great rear end collision."

"Man has gone long enough, or even too long, without being man enough to face the simple truth that the trouble with man is man."

"My opposition to Interviews lies in the fact that offhand answers have little value or grace of expression, and that such oral give and take helps to perpetuate the decline of the English language."

"The animals that depend on instinct have an inherent knowledge of the laws of economics and of how to apply them; Man, with his powers of reason, has reduced economics to the level of a farce which is at once funnier and more tragic than Tobacco Road."

"The dog has got more fun out of Man than Man has got out of the dog, for the clearly demonstrable reason that Man is the more laughable of the two animals."

"The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself, but in so doing, he identifies himself with people - that is, people everywhere, not for the purpose of taking them apart, but simply revealing their true nature."
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