"I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself."

Love, Trying

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"I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself."

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Explore more quotes by Tim Vine

"I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself."

Love, Trying

"Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin."

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"You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox."

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"So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'"

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"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'"

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"People ask 'do you make a conscious effort not to swear?' - if you're doing silly stuff you're not tempted to put swearing in. All the comics from my childhood, who were funny without swearing, were the people that influenced me. What I do is quite traditional anyway."

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"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."

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"I sit in places like Costa Coffee in Banstead and write rubbish. I need a deadline. I think about the 44 tour dates and keep imagining standing in front of all these people. Then every day I write 15 jokes minimum."

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