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"Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin."
Father
"Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds."
Now
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice."
Driving
"I love acting, but it's all just a bonus."
Love
"I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy."
Day
"With silly stuff, it's seventy-five percent confidence. I always tell people that it's because I'm nervous about getting that next laugh and I need to hear it. I always want to condense a joke."
People
"So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'"
Building
"So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'"
Home
"I sit in places like Costa Coffee in Banstead and write rubbish. I need a deadline. I think about the 44 tour dates and keep imagining standing in front of all these people. Then every day I write 15 jokes minimum."
People
"Black beauty - he's a dark horse."
Beauty
More
"Love nature as if it is your own garden of love."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Nourish yourself with the water of love to grow flowers of happiness in the garden of your heart."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Live is not about constantly fighting to keep someone in your life. It is about constantly fighting for a better life together."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Love has power in it; it can melt any heart, if your love is true and divine."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When you truly love someone, you want to please and honor them by the way you act. How you treat someone shows whether or not you really care about them."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Be brave. Be kind. Be simple. Above all, be crazy with love."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The human race should learn from dogs about the enormous power of love."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Love is the ultimate power. Never forget to use it to win over your enemies."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Be the God or goddess of love and love everyone."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Love is a spiritual soul."
Author Name
Personal Development
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