top of page
Quote_1.png
Emo Philips

"I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator."

Standard 
 Customized
"I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator."

Explore more quotes by Emo Philips

Quote_1.png
Emo Philips
"I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him."
Gay,
Quote_1.png
Emo Philips
"Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist."
Quote_1.png
Emo Philips
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
Quote_1.png
Emo Philips
"I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks."
Quote_1.png
Emo Philips
"In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some."
Quote_1.png
Emo Philips
"I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'"
Quote_1.png
Emo Philips
"I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'"
Quote_1.png
Emo Philips
"I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper."
Quote_1.png
Emo Philips
"Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?"
Quote_1.png
Emo Philips
"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."

Exlpore more Night quotes

Quote_1.png
Aberjhani

"The night creeps in by subtle degrees while a show of fierce colors attracts and distracts me. I look up, suddenly aware of remote lights scattered overhead. I gasp as the last streak of fire dies on the horizon, and I comprehend it all too late. That crafty, dark night has swallowed my world whole."

Quote_1.png
Aberjhani

"I can find in my undergraduate classes, bright students who do not know that the stars rise and set at night, or even that the Sun is a star."

Quote_1.png
Aberjhani

"The night I announced I was getting married, Daddy paced for hours on the porch."

Quote_1.png
Aberjhani

"I wasn't really qualified to be on Saturday Night Live - I'm not like an impressionist or anything."

Quote_1.png
Aberjhani

"Making sleep happen is a must - anytime, anywhere, from a plane to a train to an automobile. Ideally, I like to get eight to ten hours a night, though I'll take it broken up in two segments if I have to."

Quote_1.png
Aberjhani

"The one thing I could do was voices and impersonations and weird characters, and there was really no call for that, except on Saturday Night Live."

Quote_1.png
Aberjhani

"I was working at this club in downtown L.A. from four to eight at night, just Eddie Rubin, the drummer, and I."

Quote_1.png
Aberjhani

"Late night television is ready for someone like me... standards have gone to an all-time low."

Quote_1.png
Aberjhani

"Yes, beef is what was for dinner last night. Tonight it will be my dinner, and it will continue to be."

Quote_1.png
Aberjhani

"Most of those mocking us and our works night after night have not reached the point of suggesting we are going to use those weapons. They are pretty useless right now."

bottom of page