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"I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator."
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Exlpore more Night quotes
"Clinton used to like to get out of the White House a lot. He would take night trips to McDonald's, and stuff like that. I think he wanted to get out of the house."
"It was in the Seventies but I still recall what was a good night for my club. Of course, the stadium has changed now but I have heard that the atmosphere is still the same."
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
"We had a big party that night and everybody went around gathering results from various precincts and each person would get four or five precincts and then come to the house. There were no cell phones or anything to get results phoned in early."
"Yeah, I was a local hero. It was great for me, 'cos I had a full house every night all night seven nights a week for five years that I played. The next five years I just played five days a week, but I still had a full house every night."
"If you feel like you're getting into a rut with a song, a night off usually fixes it."
"I sleep each night a little better, a little more confidently, because Lyndon Johnson is my president."
"We had high and boisterous winds last night and this morning: the Indians continue to purchase repairs with grain of different kinds."
Explore more quotes by Emo Philips
"I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks."
"My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself."
"I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson."
"I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks."
"The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks."
"I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'"
"I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.""
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