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"I play bad golf for good charities like the LA Police."
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"Trouble is, I don't get to play a lot at the moment because I've just signed a contract where I've got to do 200 shows a year in pubs, so the golf's fallen away a bit."
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"If it wasn't for golf, I'd probably still be a caddy."
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"A golf course is nothing but a pool room moved outdoors."
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Personal Development

"It was cool for a couple of weeks, but how much bad golf can you play?"
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"I was out on the golf course, a guy came riding out in a golf cart and said, Did you know that Elvis died? And I just said, Well, there you go. It was like I had kinda been expecting it."
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"Golf has become so manicured, so perfect. The greens, the fairways. I don't like golf carts. I like walking. Some clubs won't let you in unless you have a caddy and a cart."
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"A golf course is the epitome of all that is purely transitory in the universe; a space not to dwell in, but to get over as quickly as possible."
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"Stan said he used to keep Hardy late, make him miss his golf game, and really get him mad."
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"While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake."
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"All I've got against golf is it takes you so far from the clubhouse."
Golf
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