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"I met my wife by breaking two of my rules: never date a girl seriously that you meet at a nightclub and never date a fan."
Wife,

"I always wondered if you clone your wife and have the cloned wife on the moon and the real wife down here, would that be considered cheating?"

"We can't thank Dave enough. He could call me if my wife was about to have a baby and tell me he needed tonight for his show and I'd find some way to get her to let me head to New York."

"I was seeing a lot of really good things about Get Shorty when it came out, and my wife pointed out that if you validate the good reviews, you also have to validate the bad reviews."
Wife,

"My wife volunteered her services as Red Cross nurse, insisting upon being sent to the front, in order to be as near me as could be, but it developed later that no nurse was allowed to go farther than the large troop hospitals far in the rear of the actual operations."
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