"I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair."

Old, Security

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"I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair."

Exlpore more Old quotes

"In our heads we're all about 33 years old."

Doug Coupland, Canadian Author

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"Old foxes want no tutors."

Thomas Fuller, English Clergyman

Old, Want

"I put a Phrygian cap on the old dictionary."

Victor Hugo, French Author

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"The Ancient Mariner would not have taken so well if it had been called The Old Sailor."

Samuel Butler, British Poet

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"It is only the modern that ever becomes old-fashioned."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

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"The Helicon of too many poets is not a hill crowned with sunshine and visited by the Muses and the Graces, but an old, mouldering house, full of gloom and haunted by ghosts."

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, American Poet

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"Me and Jerry left because we felt we weren't getting anywhere playing our old songs in tiny clubs. The group was getting stale and staying behind the times."

Johnny Thunders, American Musician

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"You can always tell an old soldier by the inside of his holsters and cartridge boxes. The young ones carry pistols and cartridges; the old ones, grub."

George Bernard Shaw, Irish Dramatist

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"Flea and Anthony are into funk, like old school Meters and stuff like that."

Chad Smith, American Musician

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"We have tried to make it clear that the United States is not just an old cow that gives more milk the more it is kicked in the flanks."

Dean Rusk, American Diplomat

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Explore more quotes by Erma Bombeck

"How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?"

Will

"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."

Car

"Getting out of the hospital is a lot like resigning from a book club. You're not out of it until the computer says you're out of it."

Computer

"Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother."

Wisdom

"Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, "A house guest," you're wrong because I have just described my kids."

Family

"The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again."

Reason

"On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings."

Vacation

"Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go."

Woman

"I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent."

Will

"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint."

Chores