"I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair."

Old, Security

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"I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair."

Exlpore more Old quotes

"I'm too old to adapt to somebody else's ways."

Claudia Christian, American Actress

Old,

"If we all knew we were going to live to be 150 years old, we'd all approach our lives very differently."

Eric Bogosian, American Actor

Old, Years

"I look forward to growing old and wise and audacious."

Glenda Jackson, British Actress

Old,

"It is better to be young in your failures than old in your successes."

Flannery O'Connor, American Author

Old,

"You can always tell an old soldier by the inside of his holsters and cartridge boxes. The young ones carry pistols and cartridges; the old ones, grub."

George Bernard Shaw, Irish Dramatist

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"The Helicon of too many poets is not a hill crowned with sunshine and visited by the Muses and the Graces, but an old, mouldering house, full of gloom and haunted by ghosts."

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, American Poet

Old, Poets

"That's me: an old kazoo with some sparklers."

Bette Davis, American Actress

Old,

"He's only 4 years old, so I don't think he realized, you know, that I played so many years. Of course, we watch tapes here from the Stanley Cup years, but I don't think he realized how many years I played."

Mario Lemieux, Canadian Athlete

Old, Years

"Don't accept the old order. Get rid of it."

Johnny Rotten, English Musician

Old, Order

"I've been doing theatre since I was 5 years old."

Claudia Christian, American Actress

Old, Theatre, Years

Explore more quotes by Erma Bombeck

"Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other."

Success

"There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it."

Family

"For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward."

Time

"My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?"

Fire

"Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go."

Woman

"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth."

Car

"Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time."

Car

"I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order."

Family

"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."

Car

"Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated."

School