"Humor is healing."

Humor, Healing

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"I've accepted the fact I have mental illness but when my imaginary friends start calling me crazy that's where I draw the line."

Stanley Victor Paskavich, American Politician

Humor, Mental, Friend, Imagination

"Crap, are you thinking what I'm thinking?""I'm thinking we have about fifteen vampires and no blood," Claire said. "Is that it?""No, I was thinking we're out of chips. Of course that's what I was thinking."

Rachel Caine, Canadian Actress

Humor, Blood, Survival, Friendship

"Got a lot of sinful idears--but they seem kinda sensible."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Humor, Sin, Idea, Truth

"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Humor, Laughter, Wisdom, Mortality

"Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness."

Ludwig Wittgenstein, Austrian Philosopher

Humor, Cleverness

"I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing."

Jonathan Swift, Irish Writer

Humor, First, Fool, Kissing, Wonder

"If they gave him an enema, he could be buried in a matchbox."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Death, Sarcasm, Mortality

"Name the greatest of all inventors: Accident."

Mark Twain, American Author

Humor, Accident, Creativity, Surprise

"If I knew what two and two were " I would say Four!"

Idries Shah, Indian Author

Humor, Simplicity, Logic, Numbers

"Pessimist - one who when he has the choice of two evils chooses both."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Pessimism, Evil, Choice, Irony

Explore more quotes by Brad Garrett

"It's all I have left in my life, caffeine and a poodle."

Life

"We don't take care of our teachers and our cops and our firemen. They should be at the top of our list."

Care

"You take away all the other luxuries in life, and if you can make someone smile and laugh, you have given the most special gift: happiness."

Happiness

"I think we love watching people that are flawed because we're all flawed."

Love

"I love strong women, not only in life but in craft."

Life

"But I believe that there are marriages where you can have your pool table and she can have her scrapbooking room or garden or whatever it is. But when everyone has what they want, it's not funny. There's no conflict."

Funny

"I was very, very large as a kid and never athletic, and my home life was a little upside down and I never felt comfortable."

Home

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"I've accepted the fact I have mental illness but when my imaginary friends start calling me crazy that's where I draw the line."

"Crap, are you thinking what I'm thinking?""I'm thinking we have about fifteen vampires and no blood," Claire said. "Is that it?""No, I was thinking we're out of chips. Of course that's what I was thinking."

"Got a lot of sinful idears--but they seem kinda sensible."

"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."

"Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness."

"I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing."

"If they gave him an enema, he could be buried in a matchbox."

"Name the greatest of all inventors: Accident."

"If I knew what two and two were " I would say Four!"

"Pessimist - one who when he has the choice of two evils chooses both."

Explore more quotes by Brad Garrett

"It's all I have left in my life, caffeine and a poodle."

"We don't take care of our teachers and our cops and our firemen. They should be at the top of our list."

"You take away all the other luxuries in life, and if you can make someone smile and laugh, you have given the most special gift: happiness."

"I think we love watching people that are flawed because we're all flawed."

"I love strong women, not only in life but in craft."

"But I believe that there are marriages where you can have your pool table and she can have her scrapbooking room or garden or whatever it is. But when everyone has what they want, it's not funny. There's no conflict."

"It's fun to play people who are flawed."

"My whole life, I've been telling jokes."

"There's a black man inside of me just trying to make bail."

"I was very, very large as a kid and never athletic, and my home life was a little upside down and I never felt comfortable."