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"I think it's because my comedy is in your face, and it comes from a place that's real."
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"Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke."
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Personal Development
"I hate comedy... Yo...-yo bitch."
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Personal Development
"It's always been said that comedy comes mostly out of the dark side anyway."
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Personal Development
"I never watch comedies they suck if something sucks it sucks there isn't doubt about it."
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Personal Development
"Have a chocolate-covered raisin, he said."They look like rat droppings, said the Chair.The Dean peered at them in the gloom."So that's it, he said. "The bag fell on the floor a minute ago, and I thought there seemed rather a lot."
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Personal Development
"Uh-oh, I hope he doesn't start rattling off dirty limericks next; she'll probably burn the hotel down."
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Personal Development
"Are you out of your goddamn mind? You think we can take on two hundred soldiers? I know I am an extremely attractive man, J, but I am not Bruce Lee."Who's Bruce Lee?"Who's Bruce Lee? Kenji asks, horrified. "Oh my God. We can't even be friends anymore."Why? Was he a friend of yours?"You know what, he says, "just stop. Just-I can't even talk to you right now."
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Personal Development
"I think a lot of the instincts you have doing comedy are really the same for doing drama, in that it's essentially about listening. The way I approach comedy, is you have to commit to everything as if it's a dramatic role, meaning you play it straight."
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Personal Development
"I got everybody on my side through comedy."
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Personal Development
"I had to stop myself from laughing. Who needs help taking a pill?"
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"I'm here today because I hated everything else."
Today
"Then you had people who wanted to get into comedy just to get a TV deal."
People
"If something stinks, I say it stinks. But I try to massage it a little and not be as cutting, come behind it with a joke: Hey, I cut you deep, but now let me put a couple of stitches in you."
Deep
"Back then, I was doing more of my impression of what a comic is supposed to do."
Impression
"But sometimes the women writers will pitch something and I'll hear it, but the men will keep talking."
Men
"I guess because of my act, people think that I say things they want to say, and that they can just come up and say anything to me."
People
"Actually, I majored in marketing and I have a bachelor of science."
Science
"I think it's because my comedy is in your face, and it comes from a place that's real."
Comedy
"It's hard to get fired from the government. You have to, like, kill people."
Government
"I love Costas. He's knows too much, but he's a good guy."
Love
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