"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."

Work, Night

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"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."

Explore more quotes by Emo Philips

"I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him."

Gay,

"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."

Work, Night

"I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'"

Father, Girlfriend

"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."

First,

"I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks."

Love, Children

"I was the kid next door's imaginary friend."

Friendship, Friend

"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."

Life, Money, Being, Day

"How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand."

People,

"My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself."

Reason,

"England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'."

England,

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"That most limited of all specialists, the "well-rounded man"."

F. Scott Fitzgerald, American Author

Work, Skill, Identity, Expertise, Education

"The world system is employment."

Sunday Adelaja, Nigerian Author

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"Police officers are poorly paid for a very stressful job that has them in very high powered radio frequency (RF) fields and in a daily environment that may result in them being assaulted, maimed or killed."

Steven Magee, British Author

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"A butler supplies food to nourish your body, but a writer nourishes your mind through writing."

Debasish Mridha, American Author

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"Do not be weary to make money."

Lailah Gifty Akita, Ghanaian Author

Work, Do, Weary, Money, Life

"My favourite all-time work of fiction: Lord of the Rings. My favourite all-time nonfiction book: Guns, Germs, and Steel. Ask me again next week, you'll get a different answer."

Orson Scott Card, American Writer

Work,

"Employers are at their happiest on Mondays. Employees are at their happiest on Fridays."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

Work, Truth, Life, Happiness, Regret

"Work was intended not to give a man a reason to live, but rather to give him a means to live."

Criss Jami, American Philosopher

Work, Truth, Wisdom, Life, Power

"Next to us is not the workman whom we have hired, with whom we love so well to talk, but the workman whose work we are."

Henry David Thoreau, American Author

Work, Self, Identity, Values

"Be robust enough to work more than a robot!"

Ernest Agyemang Yeboah, Ghanaian Author

Work, Effort, Strength