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Emo Philips

"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."

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"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."

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Donna Grant

"That most limited of all specialists, the "well-rounded man"."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"The world system is employment."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"A butler supplies food to nourish your body, but a writer nourishes your mind through writing."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"Do not be weary to make money."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"Employers are at their happiest on Mondays. Employees are at their happiest on Fridays."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"Work was intended not to give a man a reason to live, but rather to give him a means to live."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"Be robust enough to work more than a robot!"

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"Being happy at work is possible for all of us, anytime & anywhere, with open eyes and a caring heart."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"Back then, work revolved around life. Today, life revolves around work."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"Do all the work you while you still have strength."

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Emo Philips
"Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day."

Family

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Emo Philips
"I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them."

Night

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Emo Philips
"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."

First

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Emo Philips
"My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often."

Sex

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Emo Philips
"When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas."

Coffee

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Emo Philips
"My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing."

Computer

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Emo Philips
"I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.""

Time

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Emo Philips
"The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks."

Evil

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Emo Philips
"I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'"

Father

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Emo Philips
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."

Work

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