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"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
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"Have convictions. Be friendly. Stick to your beliefs as they stick to theirs. Work as hard as they do."
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Personal Development
"A good work ethic is not so much a concern for hard work but rather one for responsibility. There have been a great many men and women who have in fact used work or hustle or selfish ambition as an escape from real responsibility, an escape from purpose. In matters such as these, the hard worker is just as dysfunctional as the sloth."
Author Name
Personal Development
"One is not idle because one is absorbed. There is both visible and invisible labor. To contemplate is to toil, to think is to do. The crossed arms work, the clasped hands act. The eyes upturned to Heaven are an act of creation."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Like every man of sense and good feeling, I abominate work."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The fact that you are true child of God doesn't mean you will find gold on the floor when sweeping. You got to dig up the gold!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"We try, when we wake, to lay the new day at God's feet; before we have finished shaving, it becomes our day and God's share in it is felt as a tribute which we must pay out of 'our own' pocket, a deduction from the time which ought, we feel, to be 'our own'. A man starts a new job with a sense of vocation and, perhaps, for the first week still keeps the discharge of the vocation as his end, taking the pleasures and pains from God's hand, as they came, as 'accidents'. But in the second week he is beginning to 'know the ropes': by the third, he has quarried out of the total job his own plan for himself within that job, and when he can pursue this he feels that he is getting no more than his rights, and when he cannot, that he is being interfered."
Author Name
Personal Development
"How many a rustic Milton has passed by Stifling the speechless longings of his heart In unremitting drudgery and care! How many a vulgar Cato has compelled His energies no longer tameless then To mould a pin or fabricate a nail!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Our boss has been so successful he deserves to retire so that he can spend more time . . . with his servants."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The Lord had given them the day and the Lord had given them the strength. And the day and the strength had been dedicated to labor, and the labor was its reward. Who was the labor for? What would be its fruits? These were irrelevant and idle questions."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The artist must be in his work as God is in creation, invisible and all-powerful; one must sense him everywhere but never see him."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand."
People
"I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'"
Wife
"I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'"
Father
"I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper."
Men
"The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks."
Evil
"When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me."
Work
"You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back."
Hate
"He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites."
Disaster
"Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?"
Children
"I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.""
Time
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