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"Both of my parents are professors and everyone in my family has some fabulous degree of something or another and I couldn't get into college because I didn't know a language."
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"Of course, everyone's parents are embarrassing. It goes with the territory. The nature of parents is to embarrass merely by existing, just as it is the nature of children of a certain age to cringe with embarrassment, shame, and mortification should their parents so much as speak to them on the street."

"The arrangements that couples make in order to maintain civility in the midst of their journey to divorce are often most elaborate when the professed top priority is to protect a child."

"No father knows that he is carrying his son up the stairs for the final time."

"All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

"A wise woman protects her kids. A wiser woman hangs out with police officers, retired FBI agents and private investigators."

"Fear is the mother of morality."

"He who loses his mother loses a pure soul who blesses and guards him constantly."
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"One of my earliest memories is of my father carrying me in one arm with a picket sign in the other."

"Instead of hating, I have chosen to forgive and spend all of my positive energy on changing the world."

"Waiting, waiting, waiting. All my life, I've been waiting for my life to begin, as if somehow my life was ahead of me, and that someday I would arrive at it."

"I learned how to sign because when I was growing up in California in order to get into college you needed two semesters of language to get into a University of California school."

"It never occurred to me that I'd be on a television show or in feature films but when those came into play my dreams changed along the way."

"People in this country haven't stopped hating fat people, but they've become more kind to me, since in our culture, even though we hate our fat people, we love our celebrities even more."
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