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"My children are monsters, Kiro thought. And I am responsible. Perhaps if I had read them the haikus of Basho when they were little instead of that American manifesto of high-pressure sales, Green Eggs and Ham..."
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"Most parents are not really 'supportive' because they want their kid(s) to succeed; they 'support' their kid(s) as an attempt to avoid appearing to have bred a failure, or, failures - in the eyes of their peers and/or neighbours."

"Passing their toilet training is the very last thing that some adults did that has made their parents proud of them."

"The answer to the question 'How many children do you have?' and the one to the question 'How many children are you raising?' are not identical in all cases: some men are not taking care of their own children, some are knowingly or unknowingly raising other men's children, and some do not even know that they each have a child, another child, or other children."

"Motherhood isn't just about making babies, it's about making lives and molding destinies."

"I think people who have good parents come into the world with a strength, yes, and an advantage."

"Being a 'good' parent is more about the parent, and, less about the 'supposedly-could-have-been-bad' child."

"Overprotective parents can easily set limits for their children, but they heavily misunderstand the boundaries their children can have as they grow older to become adults. If overprotective parents could not compromise to give their grown children personal space, they deserve some form of intervention from a professional who could explain to them of what is or not appropriate to interact and deal with their children."

"One thing I know for sure about raising children is that every single day a kid needs discipline.... But also every single day a kid needs a break."
Explore more quotes by Christopher Moore

"I'm beginning to wonder,' said Kent, sitting down now on an overturned wooden tub. 'Who do I serve? Why am I here?'You are here, because, in the expanding ethical ambiguity of our situation, you are steadfast in your righteousness. It is to you, our banished friend, that we all turn-a light amid the dark dealings of family and politics. You are the moral backbone on which the rest of us hang our bloody bits. Without you we are merely wiggly masses of desire writhing in our own devious bile.'Really?' asked the old knight.Aye,' said I.I'm not sure I want to keep company with you lot, then."

"No matter where he went in the City, there was an odoriferous mix of food and vehicles, like the alchemic concoctions of some mad gourmet mechanic: Kung Pao Saab Turbo, Buick Skylark Carbonara, Sweet-and-Sour Metro Bus, Honda Bolognese with Burning Clutch Sauce."

"I'm feeling full of tiny princes, bustling to get out into the world and start plotting against one another."

"The Painting is not shit,' said Lucien.'I know,' said Henri. 'That was just part of the subterfuge. I am of royal lineage; subterfuge is one of the many talents we carry in our blood, along with guile and hemophilia."

"And I'll have you know that if you hurt my son again, if he so much as sighs sadly over his coffee, I will hire a man, a Russian, probably, to hunt you down and rip all that shiny black hair from your head, then break your skinny arms and legs, and set you on fire, and then put you out with a hammer. And should there be children from your beastly rutting, I shall have the Russian man cut them to tiny pieces and feed them to Madame Jacob's dog. because, although he may be only a worthless, simpleminded, libertine artist, Lucien is my favorite, and I will not have him hurt. Do you understand?"

"So I'm all, 'Owned! Bee-yatch! Dog fucking owned you!' Doing a minor booty dance of ownage, perhaps, in retrospect, a bit prematurely. (I believe hip-hop to be the apprpriate language for taunting, at least until I learn French.)"

"But she's a redhead, so she's probably evil, even at her tender age.''I thought you liked redheads.''I do. What's your point?"

"What love is not torment when a man knows not how to love himself? Talk not of drowning, but attaining your heart's desire by action: Put money in thy purse."
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