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"Cricket is basically baseball on valium."
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"You look at all the great players that they've had and the potential of playing in Yankee Stadium."
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Personal Development
"The hardest thing to believe about The Fan is not that Robert De Niro is stalking somebody again but that anyone cares that much about a baseball player."
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Personal Development
"It was a terrible day for baseball, it was a worse day for Congress."
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Personal Development
"Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended."
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Personal Development
"Hitting a baseball well, as in cricket, is a very rare skill. One of most difficult things to do in the world to do, hitting a ball coming at you at ninety miles an hour with a round bat. Wonderful to watch."
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Personal Development
"The Oakland clubhouse is a wonderful place. A lot of these guys feel like rejects. They were rejects and they feel - they can tell you how baseball screwed up."
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Personal Development
"I always get very calm with baseball."
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Personal Development
"President Bush left for Canada today to attend a trade summit. Reportedly, the trade summit got off to an awkward start when the president pulled out his baseball cards."
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Personal Development
"I wish there was a bar I could send opposing teams to and get them hammered or something - I could tell my buddies in New York to leave their places open or something. Playing for the Yankees, guys come at you extremely hard. I have to be ready or I'll be embarrassed."
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Personal Development
"I'm going through a divorce now. This is the second one, and like baseball, I'm not gonna get three strikes. I've been living by myself for five years and I'm very comfortable. I can play my guitar when I want to."
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"The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev."
Love
"I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... a large Arctic region covered with ice."
Country
"We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture."
Gay
"Cricket is basically baseball on valium."
Baseball
"I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you."
Right
"Do you think God gets stoned? I think so... look at the platypus."
God
"Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs."
People
"Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!""
Nature
"People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House."
People
"What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong."
Right
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